Seeking

1: The Way to Begin Again | Scene 5: Use Me | Day 4 of 6

Simon and his companions went to look for him, and when they found him, they exclaimed: “Everyone is looking for you!"

 - Mark 1:36–37

A one-inch white scar above my left eyebrow is the only remaining evidence of a wound that, for over a year, wouldn’t heal. It started as a simple cut from scratching my forehead. It came to symbolize much more.

At the time, my life was like that stubborn scar, with wounds that kept reopening. After fifteen years of professional ministry, several books, hundreds of conferences, and a high degree of recognition—what many would call “success”—I felt miserable. I seriously considered walking away from it all.

I’d spent years “platforming,” but it brought me no life. The cut on my forehead seemed to reflect the state of my soul—continually re-wounded, never quite healing.

One night, deeply frustrated and exhausted, I prayed as sincerely as ever before—not just about my forehead, but my entire life. I simply said, God, fix it. I don’t know what to do, and I need you to fix my life.

Two words immediately surfaced in my heart: “Seek first.”

I was confused and wondered if some neurons were randomly popping off. Over subsequent days, though, the phrase wouldn’t go away. I became a little annoyed—God, I’m asking you for help, and you’re telling me to “seek first”?

My needs are urgent!

Faced with a clear choice to leave the church world behind or go all in on Jesus, I had chosen to go all in, but my issues hadn’t magically disappeared. I was praying—no joke, no half-baked nod, but a full commitment to this thing called faith—and God’s only answer was to “seek first.”

I researched “seek first.”

The phrase in my mind was coming from Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount when he summarizes a section by concluding, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well” (Matthew 6:33).

Interestingly, the Greek word for “seek” in Matthew’s gospel matches the one Mark uses to describe Simon and the brothers’ pursuit of Jesus when they woke up and realized he was gone in today’s verse. They went to look for him.

But what does it mean to look for Jesus, or “seek the kingdom?”

That marked a shift in language. My entire ministry career had taught me that the Kingdom was not something we “seek” but something we “build,” “advance,” or “work on.” The dominant message I’d absorbed was clear: Good Christians do good things—serve the kingdom, build the kingdom, advance the kingdom. I’d rarely ever heard a pastor say, “seek the kingdom.”

The result is that I came to absorb a wrong message:

Being a believer felt synonymous with being God’s employee.

But what if this misses the mark entirely? As I studied the Scriptures, I began to realize the prevalence of God’s simple directive. Consider just a few examples:

Moses tells the Israelites, “But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you seek him with all your heart and with all your soul” (Deuteronomy 4:29).

Jeremiah says, “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart” (Jeremiah 29:13).

Isaiah says, “Seek the LORD while he may be found; call on him while he is near” (Isaiah 55:6).

Seeking isn’t a side note; it is the main thing! It is the heart of Moses’ message, the prophets’ urgency, and Jesus’ own teaching. Seeking is presence that precedes purpose. It is relational abiding that comes before anything we do or any task we perform.

But what are we seeking? If the Kingdom isn’t a place we are building together, a big work project, then what is it?

When Simon finds Jesus that morning, he exclaims, “Everyone is looking for you!” Their excitement was understandable. They’d witnessed Jesus’ transformative presence. They wanted more of what Jesus could do. But Jesus was focused on being present with God.

Matthew’s Gospel describes this presence as “righteousness.” Biblical scholar Kenneth Bailey notes something profound: Jesus doesn’t say, “Blessed are those who live perfectly righteous lives.” Rather, He says, “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness” (Matthew 5:6).

Bailey observes,

“…popularly understood, righteousness is no more than adherence to an ethical norm… But if righteousness describes a relationship granted as a gift of God that brings peace, then only God can satisfy the longing… Each day, prompted by hunger and thirst, all people seek food and water, hoping to be satisfied. But for how long? A few hours later, the cravings return. This Beatitude makes it clear that the blessed are those whose drive for righteousness is as pervasive, all-consuming, and recurring as the daily yearning to satisfy hunger and thirst.”¹

For years, my approach to faith has been focused on adhering to rules, performing for God, and seeking validation from results. But since that moment of clarity, I’ve shifted.

I’ve heard people describe it as moving from Jesus as Savior to Jesus as Lord. I think of it like I discovered the difference between talking to God like I was addressing the rich great uncle I see once a year at Thanksgiving to hanging with an old friend who knows every gory detail of my life and chooses me anyway.

The result has been a shift from working toward a goal—building the kingdom or adherence to a set of norms—to an abiding or a presence. This is the heart of seeking—shifting from suspicion and anxious striving toward trusting God’s relational care. It is learning to dwell, abide, and remain in God’s presence. The key to knowing that God cares involves a shift from performing for God to being present with God. The joy isn’t in arriving at a destination but journeying daily with the Lord who loves us completely.²

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Jesus’ favorite retreat practice was to pray. But retreat can take many forms. You may prefer prayer or Bible study. You may like to journal or read others’ words. There is no right or wrong method; the goal is to commune to be in God’s presence.

Why is it good to retreat and pray? When we spend time in God’s presence, our spirit calms and our rest in God deepens. Jesus carried a load unlike any other. Yet he found time for a rhythm of retreat. We are well advised to pay attention to this moment in the story: retreat before advance. And, retreat after advance. The two practices go hand in hand, and one fuels the other. It is the best weapon against suspicion and the strongest foundation for trust.

Pray

Lord, redirect my heart. Teach me what it truly means to seek You, not as employees performing tasks, but as a beloved friend, deeply known by You. Give me a heart hunger and thirst for Your presence above all else. Renew my mind so I may find joy in the journey itself. Amen.

Live It

• Employee: Reflect on a time or season when you acted more like God’s employee, working to earn His approval or love. What did that feel like?

• Seek: How would your daily life change if you truly believed your primary purpose was simply to seek and enjoy God’s presence?

• Next: Choose one practical way to shift from performing tasks for God to enjoying relational presence with Him.

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Where We Are: Season 1 | Scene 5 of 6 | Day 4 of 6

Next: Day Five posts Thursday, March 11, 2026

Coming Soon: After this scene, we’ll move to Scene Six: The Lie That I’m on My Own

1. Kenneth E. Bailey, Jesus Through Middle Eastern Eyes: Cultural Studies in the Gospels (Downers Grove, IL: Intervarsity Press, 2008), 81.

2. Adapted from Telos: The Hope of Heaven Today, by Leonard Sweet and Len Wilson (Plano, TX: Invite Press, 2022).